What was I thinking? Quitting a stable job amidst this pandemic? For what? Was this even a smart move?

I spent the first three weeks of this enhanced community quarantine trapped in my head, questioning my decision. Thinking what my next steps should be. I was looking for answers. I needed help. I was longing for comfort. I was desperate for work. 

Out of all the earthly things that I was looking for, I found something I never thought would fill the hole in my heart a thousandfold.

It was some time around Holy Week when I decided to open the daily devotion file a friend sent me. It took me weeks before I’ve decided to read it and see what’s written inside. It started with an introduction of what the series is about, of who the contributors are, and a calendar with readings per day. Since I was a week late, I’ve decided to still start with April 1. Despite being half-hearted with my action, I started reading. 

Wednesday, April 1 

Daily Verse: John 15:13 

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

I started reading the bible verse first, then read the devotion after. At first, I was just normally reading it like a normal person with little faith would. Everything was normal. It was like I was reading bible verses and devotions out of boredom, which is why I’ve decided to just read until April 4 and just continue the next day. I thought to myself, a day wouldn’t hurt to catch up with the date and the readings. 

Saturday, April 4 

Daily Verse: Jeremiah 31:3 

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

The first few lines of devotion say a lot about how Jesus died for us to save us from our sins and showed His immense love for us. Things that I’ve heard numerous times and I already know. Before I continue, I would just like to warn you that everything that you’ll be reading from here might sound absurd and crazy. Call me whatever you want, judge me, unfriend me…at this point, I don’t really care now. So,  going back, I continued reading the devotion and thought to myself “is there anything in here that I haven’t read yet?” And then I came across the line that changed the way I see everything that was written in this pdf. 

“So no matter how badly you might have messed up in the past, no matter how miserable your present situation is, the Lord will give you the best future right before your eyes if you’ll just let Him lead the way.”

Tears started building up and I have no idea why. I was just reading. I wasn’t thinking of anything. 

“He has been chasing you all along.”

When I came across the line above was when I started crying. I realized, I know little things about Jesus Christ, but never really understood them.

In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says, ‘You will keep on hearing, but will not understand; You will keep on seeing, but will not perceive; – Matthew 13:13

After giving some thought, it literally felt like God talked to me because I had a burning desire to share it. Maybe someone out there aside from me needs to hear it. There’s that scary feeling that people might be weirded out by my action, but the burning desire overpowers the fear. 

That’s how it all started, but it didn’t end there. There were days when I was being attacked by the enemy. There were days when the enemy would instill fear in my heart. There were days when I had to fight my own demons, forgetting the fact that God is with me and I need not to do it alone. Then there were days when, as a human being, I’d lean on my own understanding and try to make sense of what I feel.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. – Romans 7:21-23

For someone who had little faith, part of me still questions the normality and truthfulness of all these. Good thing, God didn’t let me go on this journey alone. He blessed me with people who helped me understand Him and His words more. He sent me people who would willingly walk on this journey with me. 

After listening to Pastor James preach about Building an Altar in our hearts and Stewarding the Presence of God that I’ve decided to fully surrender everything to God and not just choose parts of my life that I’d like Him to be part of. 

I’ve always questioned the idea of love. I’ve always wondered how much love we can give and how much love can be given to us in return. And then there’s Jesus. The righteous Jesus who have not sinned, but chose to die for us because of His overflowing love for us. Despite what was done to Him, the pain and the shame that He’s been through, He kept His promise of salvation. He kept His promise of not abandoning His children. It’s hard to understand what you can’t see, but I guess that’s what faith is about. Believing. Trusting. Surrendering.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. – Hebrews 11:1

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” – John 20:29

All my life, earthly worries, and concerns have always taken a lot out of me to the point that I’d harm myself in the process. Whenever the world offers me love and that love does not prosper the way I wanted it to, I’m devastated.  But now, I have found what true love means through Jesus Christ who I am proud to call my Lord and Savior. This encounter made me realize that there’s a better experience beyond just knowing Him. Something that is overflowing with love and happiness. Something that fills that unknown void in your heart. Something that is so powerful it’s so hard to contain.

My heart is so full right now that I’m so excited to see how God will transform and use me as a living testimony of how faithful He is if you just trust, believe, and follow Him. I believe that whatever He’s done in the past, He’d be willing to do it again for us because of His overflowing love for us.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8

If you guys are interested, here’s the video about building an altar that I mentioned above.

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  • I just love this so much. I don’t have enough words to express how this filled my heart. Thank you for sharing this. I also wanted to thank you for reaching out. You don’t know how much it meant to me, but I’m really grateful! Know that I’m also one message away whenever you need someone! ♥

    • Thank you so much, b! I am so happy to have met so many amazing people online, and you’re one of them. 💓